At the end of the day

 

At the end of the day

I know there’s going to be no us.

I know my hands still will be empty

And I’ll still have me by my side.

 

At the end of the day,

Tomorrow won’t creep up on me

Like a scary shadow

Or a fleeting illusion.

 

At the end of the day,

I know I’ll have some memories

Like coffee,

Two spoons of sugar and bitter nevertheless.

 

At the end of the day,

I’ll think of you

And won’t feel my heart

Ripping out of my chest.

 

At the end of the day,

I’ll remember you

With a rueful smile.

Happy that you happened to me.

 

At the end of the day,

Hope smell like a flower

And not like a knife

Twisted into my gut.

 

At the end of day,

I’ll sleep a sleep

Of rest and calm

Not upon tear stained pillows.

 

At the end of the day,

I know

I know I’ll have me

I know I’ll live.

You

‘Let me in where only your thoughts have been.’

It’s a thought. It’s your mind. No. I don’t want to invade. I don’t want to toy with it. I have no business meddling with it.

But I want to see it. I want to you how you. I want to know you, unadulterated, without the empty facades you love to wear. I want to know who you are. I want to admire the person in you. And just that. Nothing else. Just watch you be you. Just that.

Entries from real life

October 14, 2015
3:47

Okay. I’m trying to be less whiny and less dramatic about things, but I just can’t get it out of my system. Damn it!! It’s so irritating!

Sometimes life makes me wonder why I even chose to pursue a course on medicine? It’s like, I no longer had a wish to live, and hence I decided to lay my life down for medicine!!

I can’t help but sound like that after a long day from 10am to 10pm without even a break.

Add to my woes the fact that my routine for my finals are out and yes it begins from 3rd of Dec and ends on 30th!! You heard it right. Effing 30?!?! I have a bloody train to catch from ghy on 30.
I’m really hoping the college changes the dates. Really. But you never know. I haven’t told them yet at home either. Gawwd, how am I going to live!!

Entries from real life

October 13, 2015
18:52

Hey again. I was supposed to write this earlier but last night nearly left me handicapped (seriously, this is no joking). I completed my surgery case record in a record time. Yhhh. I wrote straight from 3am till 12 noon. Yhh. You heard it right. 9 hours of torture. And my hand’s still sore from it. With the exception of an hour ofcourse.

And that hour was the most beautiful one of the day.

So yes that’s what I’d like to talk about today. I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned it or not, but silence and me are not really a thing. And well… I’ve been letting myself have a tryst with silence. It was a small escapade yesterday. My head was buzzing with words, thoughts and every other thing possible. Yhh. That million thoughts a minute feeling(I kind of do revel in it) but it gets tiring. Okay. A lot tiring. And to clear my head I headed up the terrace.

I have an enchantment with the sky. As much as life in Silchar sucks, the sky makes it all worth the while. And whenever I’ve needed company or silence or need to calm down, nothing has been able to do it better than the sky. I’ve come to believe that it’s my secret keeper, my confidant.

And well what I saw on the terrace was mesmerising. Yes. I’ve seen sunrises and sunsets and the sky in general. But watching the sky change color from dark to the brightest of mornings, that was such a beautiful experience. More so seeing that I’m having a hard patch myself, the whole morning coming up was so relieving and I can’t exactly put the feeling in words.
And that was my first tryst with silence. For the first time, I didn’t need my head buzzing with thoughts, ideas, imagination. For once, the silence didn’t drown me. I sailed on it. Comfortably. And is it addictive? I couldn’t stop my feet from reaching the terrace again this morning. And the sight that waited for me was breathtaking.

image

I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself tomorrow either. Maybe it’ll be my new morning ritual, meeting myself, getting more comfortable in my skin. But who cares?

Here’s to an intoxicating cocktail of me, silence and the sky!!!

Love.

Entries from real life

Oct 8,2015
8:46am

Okay. So I had been pretty serious about my entries from real life. And in this while life did get to me. It’s a funny thing, what life does to you when you’re busy being serious about other stuff.

So, yhh. Between my last post and today, I had the most eventful and happening of birthdays. (Yhh. Turning 22 can be fun!! ) I got into trouble with authorities and got even threatened that it’d have academic repercussions. (My finals are down the corner, and this is so not the time for repercussions.) Ohh!! Not to mention was nose deep into my books (the only sensible thing, I’ve done in a while.) I made some progress with Kafka on the shore(I love Murakami), rereading The Book Thief for my teacher (and falling in love with Rudy, over again), had small while fangirling Hugh Laurie(ain’t he delicious?), had some trouble days (can’t escape those) and went into hibernation (I’m prone to that!)

And now, I’m kind of back. I can’t even promise myself that, but still what is the harm in hoping.
To think what my post would be about today, there’s a hundred things on my head. But this once, it’s about an ugly picture of me that Fb just popped up from three year ago. (I can’t believe I did the things that I did.) Anyways, this isn’t me rueing about my idiocy. This has got more to do with the fact that I can’t remember those things.

Yhh. Past feels like another world. Like it never happened. Or more like if it a while ago. Or more like time just collapsed on itself. I can’t put a finger on which of these exactly. But yesterday feels so surreal. And well, today feels like it’s gonna go on forever. Like I’m a time suspension or something. Like I’m stuck here and it won’t ever pass away. And yet, I know it does. It always does.

So, yhh. That’s crazy thoughts from me this morning. Let’s see what the day brings.
Love.