A woman is human.
She is no way better, wiser, stronger, more intelligent, more creative, or more responsible than a man.
Likewise, she is never less.
Equality is a given.
A woman is a human.
~Vera Nazarian
I had always taken fancy in recognizing myself as a feminist. I had always taken pride in my dream to carve my own niche in this male-preponderant and male-friendly world. Hearing tales of atrocities on women, having read reports of women being ill-treated and living in a society where the female child is still seen as “kandhe ka bojh” and ‘parayi amanat’, I certainly had developed radical views and a certain degree of despise for anybody who would ask me to do some things just because I was a girl. I have always hated the distribution of labor in our society, which reduced women to just child-bearing machines and reduced them from home-makers to housewives. And a man, who helps out his woman in a household chore or takes her advice on any matter of consequence, suddenly turns into a ‘joru ka gulaam’.
On the other hand is this sudden demand for reservation for women. Demands for women quota and a demand to be given special attention just because you are a female are also not very uncommon things.
Very often, I hear all the talk about women rights, the atrocities on women and on the other hand, I’ve even come across the notion people have that females often take undue advantage of their gender. Being a first-hand witness of gender bias, eve teasing even, I also agree to the other side of the story. I have seen women struggling to be heard and noticed professionally and I’ve seen females getting an upper hand professionally because of their gender as well.
Seeing both the views has, despite my continued hatred for the plight of women in India, has made me realize many faults in the way we as women approach the very topic and viewpoint of gender equality and respect for females.
The first question that arises in my mind is as a woman, what is it that we want? We demand respect and yet we want concessions. We want to be considered equals and we want men to make the way for us. For any of my female friends who would be reading this, I’d encourage you to decide. Decide. Do you want to build your success because they conceded to your standards or do you want your success to be despite all their high standards?
Ladies first. Many men seem to have a problem with that. Don’t ask them to do that because you are a lady. Let them do that, because they are gentlemen. In queues, in counters, in public places, trains, buses, theatres, classrooms, everywhere don’t demand to be treated with respect because we are the weaker gender. Let them treat us with respect because we are equals and we are supposed to be treated as equals.
Do away with the idea that men are supposed to respect us because we are like their sisters, mothers, daughters or because we are females. Reinforce the idea that men are supposed to respect us because we are humans and equals and in no way, less than them or anybody.
Don’t demand respect. Command it, earn it.
And in face of bias, speak up. Begin in your family. Speaking against bias does not mean defying all the division of labor. In the Indian setup, I’d say that it definitely does not mean that you refuse to cook in the kitchen. Learn that because it’s a basic survival skill, not because you are a girl and that is what your future is. And insist that the male members of your family also help out in the household work. There are often people in the family, relatives, neighbors or any acquaintances talk to you about your future plans and how every girl is supposed to get married and get settled with another family (I know it’s a common trend in the Indian society), tell them (or at least yourself) that marriage is an event in your future and not your ultimate future.
When any of your colleague, class mate or anybody says that you should take up only a certain role because you are female, be confident enough to tell them that your gender does not define who you are. Have it in you to tell them that you are an equal.
When you see any woman being mistreated anywhere, in your family, in the neighborhood, in any public places, don’t hesitate to extend your support. We can definitely not expect men to respect us when we don’t respect each other.
Just being loved!! 